Thursday 14 June 2007

And...

Further to the below, work called at 1.30pm to say that, owing to transport problems, they couldn't come and would need to reschedule AGAIN.

So, next time I fancy a random day off, can I give them a call and say that I can't make it to work today because of transport problems?

Bah and double humbug.

Pick a number, any number...

The home visit from work (absence of over a month triggers a visit from HR) has been changed again. They haven't changed the day, but have changed the time.

My workplace are good. They haven't sacked me and pay me for several months when I'm ill, which I appreciate and am grateful for. But I've planned stuff today around the original time, and it would be nice if they could just stick to the plan.Inability to keep to arrangements is something that irks me. I find it inconsiderate at best and damn rude at worst.

Also, being geared up for a home visit puts me under a little pressure, and stress is not good for Crohn's. And it's just such a blah. There will be some small talk, then they will ask if there is anything at work they can do to help, or if anything has happened to make me ill. And, as in numerous return to work interviews, occupation health consultations and 'counselling' interviews, I will say no.

And I will explain that Crohn's disease is an auto immune condition that is chronic, and will continue to flare up on and off for the rest of my life. I'm one of the unlucky ones who has never managed to get into full remission. I've explained all this to the same people on *thinks for a moment* more than a dozen occasions. I've handed over literature, notes from specialists and web links.

I've gone to private consultations with a doctor of their choice in a town 20 miles away. Interestingly, he was quite bemused to see me in a nice but 'what do they expect me to do/say about it?' way. I've given them access to my medical notes, GP and specialist.

As I said, I'm grateful that I still have a job. However, I did make my condition known at interview stage, and it was their risk to employ me.

It's just that if I have to go through my medical history one more time, very slowly, so that it can be written down on another form, spelling out the names of my medication and explaining what it is and what it does, I might just loose the plot.

Should I just type it all up and have twenty copies run off and laminated for future use?

Friday 8 June 2007

The procedures went well, nothing unexpected turned up, and I go back to the specialist in two weeks for biopsy results. The sedation was unparralled. I will blog more about this another time. In the meantime "Keep on taking the tablets".

I'm entering the state of suspended animation that comes with a long term absence from work and social life. I've been here before, and I'm doing my best, but I'm having extreme mood swings, sometimes affected by outside influences. The swings vary from happiness to utter despair.

The despair end of the spectrum is facilitated by the utter selfishness of two of my 'friends'.

One, we'll call her Kate, has always been fairly useless at being proactive in friendship. You know, the sort of person you speak to regularly as long as you ring them. She married one of my friends, moving from a different area, so we became friends by default I guess, but over the years, I thought we'd become quite close. In the last six months, I have become increasingly resentful of making all the running and have significantly cut down on the amount of times I call her. Result? I've heard nothing from her for weeks, since I last called. I know, with friends like this.....but I also know that when a crisis hits her, my phone will start ringing.

So how do I deal with this? In one respect, I'd like to let her know how much her disregard of me hurts, and say that this is why she has lost touch with friends from university (they got fed up of always being the ones to contact/make arrangements) and that this is why she has no other friends (she's been introduced to lots of people, who later on, have said to me in passing 'Kate never rings me/rings me back. Can't be bothered with that. Shame really, I quite liked her'). In another, I know I should just leave it and be unavailable when the inevitable occurs.
Which will be hard, as I've know her husband for 15 years, and If I ditch her, I ditch him.

The second is more hurtful, because the behaviour is out of character. I can only assume I have done something to offend (brain racked, nothing found) or that he just can't be bothered.

I know all the above will be magnified by the fact that I'm a bit ill at the moment and that I'm stuck at home a lot. I'm trying hard not to sink into a depression, but some days it's just really difficult. But I have other excellent friends who are good at giving me a swift kick in the pants when required. I think it's time to book a foot/butt contact and get myself together.

I had a doctors appointment on Wednesday. The usual receptionist was back in place.

Me: Hi, I have an appointment with Dr Raj at 4.10?
Her:(smiles)Hello, is it name?
Me: It is.
Her: Would you like to go straight in?
Me: Thank you.

And it's that easy.

Also on the postitive side, the conversion of the derelict building next door is going well, judging by the amount of noise created. I'd especially like to commend the chap who was cutting new stone with an angle grinder/stillsaw at 5.30am yesterday morining.